All people are brothers and sisters ... But we are all completely, categorically different. I do not believe people, although I want to believe. As one of them, I love and hate you at the same time. So I am the limousine driver!
It was an ordinary day, and the evening work gave hope to the soul of the young driver. Which? Well, how ?! Beautiful clients, useful connections, pleasant romantic communication, and maybe a dizzying continuation ... After all, it has already been said, or, more correctly, will say again: "which has not happened in many years as a driver!" ... Yes, but experience and statistics are a harsh thing, because you often come across narcissistic, drunken, arrogant ... Eh! ... But there are real ones: honest, smart, beautiful ... In any case, there is hope, but we'll see.
Exactly at 21-00, I stopped at a predetermined place, and in two steps a white limousine was effectively parked. Everything glittered and sparkled inside and out. I prepared karaoke, turned on the music and all the electric lighting beauty. As soon as I blew out the clouds of smoke from a disco device, creating by this action the effect of a fabulous oasis in the middle of a dark city street, from around the corner of a high-rise building I heard screams and some kind of funny screeching, and a moment later I saw a group of excited girls fussily scraping on high heels towards the limousine with packages in their hands.
- Good evening! Happy Holidays! - I said and, not forgetting to smile, opened the door.
- Hello !!! The first red-haired girl squealed and opened the limousine loading ceremony.
The first one went, the second, the third ... The seventh amazed me! A stunning figure, a dazzlingly charming smile! Is it really my love?! ... But alas, everything became much less beautiful after her question "surzhik".
" a witness to my life, and the ability to please a woman, even to make her fall in love with me, was my special talent.
The last eighth was the largest. Despite the physics, at first glance I felt some kind energy.
- Alexander?
- Yes, - I answered.
- My name is Tanya, and this is me I ordered you ... and a limousine, ”the girl said playfully.
“ Then I'm yours, in addition to the limousine, ”I replied, not holding back a laugh.
In vain then I blurted out such a thing, but more on that later.
Eighth, Tatiana, being the last element of loading, having second "Derezhablik" on the sofa of the car, emitted a squeaky battle cry:
- Ladies, let's go !!!
Closing the door behind the girls, I hastily duck and began to move. As soon as we drove out of the courtyard tunnels, a head penetrated from the passenger compartment into the driver's window, which loudly commanded:
-Driver, turn around! They forgot one!
But it was not necessary to turn around, because the late guessing the trajectory and moving by the courtyards to the intersection, rushed to the limousine with such speed that it was even visible how the ground was flying above her head, and her legs, Every now and then, they could not keep up with the body. Punching her way through the dense bushes, working with barks on the lawn and waving the Boss package, the stocky little girl did not notice the eyebrows and, clinging to it with her running shoes, crashed into the side of the limousine at full speed ... I was seriously scared and rushed to help, but she was not needed. The girls were laughing wildly, dragging their slightly shell-shocked girlfriend, which in the future I will call "Turbo". I examined the limousine and, not seeing any damage in the dark, returned to the cockpit. There was surprisingly complete sound calm. Looking around, I saw how the girls were looking at the contents of the Turbo package in unison.
- Otse you are always like this, Galya! - one of the girls said displeasedly.
It wasn’t necessary .., because the Gali turbine worked in all ranges, and, most likely, started with half a turn. The conflict escalated, sometimes it seemed that a fight was inevitable.
- What will happen if they refuel, - I thought with horror.
The girls continued to argue and snap. Screaming and cursing, Galya-Turbo, with full performance, gave a short speech, where she accused everyone of all grave problems, including a crushed snack bag and torn pantyhose. At the end of the monologue, she gave a convincing oath to the girls, I quote: "If she b ... there are vidkry mouths, then I rozirvu n ... th, I swear!" Everyone closed their mouths, including me, just in case.Turbo looked in my direction, and I saw fit to say:
- Got it, let's go!
The limousine proudly traced the metropolitan avenue. Calm in the cabin turned into a hurricane. Most of all, I felt sorry for the crushed bag of food, because it could become a barrier to the raging drunken storm, since the girls could stay “adequate” longer while eating. But "adequate" left in English, without saying goodbye. I was left, nine drunk students of an agricultural institute and a white limousine, which stopped in a place where in the future, after the following events, I promised myself to dock only when the client is sober. Just like when landing, I keep my mental account. The first went .., with difficulty, really ... The second went ... no, it didn't go, it flew!
Who do you think could fly out of the limousine with a bullet, miraculously not killing the first passenger with the door? Of course - "Turbo!" She looked like a sports bike, covering a distance of thirty meters with lightning speed, with a box of fireworks in her hands. One after another, the girls appeared, immediately returning the skirt from the armpits to the waist area, while hiding their exotic charms.
The economy fireworks lasted a long time, about ten seconds. Even longer, the girls stood and, staring into the night sky, waiting for the continuation, until someone stated:
- That's it!
While most of the future agronomists and veterinarians, proud and snapping, were photographed, probably the only expensive thing in their life - the fifth iPhones, the girl "Turbo", rushing about with a hog and visiting a limousine, delivered several flying Chinese lanterns to the society, which sometimes, like in this In a separate case, they flew quite reluctantly. Taking out of the glove compartment and putting in my pocket business cards with the inscription "Limousine rental", I slowly approached the girls, knowing that I would need my sober help.
- And why are you without a kustoum? - suddenly asked I am the intellectual leader of a girl's society, exactly the one whom God awarded with an ideal figure, and apparently decided that she had had enough ... With your permission, we will designate this model as number seven, since I do not remember her name.
“Do you want to see me in a suit?” I asked with a serious look, and, apparently, overdid it a little, since number seven was “scared”. Fortunately, I successfully picked the following words and translated the topic of the conversation, after which the beautiful, but by the expression "pummeled" face of number seven relaxed, and after a few compliments it became clear that this face had a lot of pleasure. And here, out of nowhere, like in a fairy tale, it drew ...
- Not for you, drove, mother raised a rose! - produced a painted-up miracle, which, like a cartoon character, because of the makeup, was already glowing in the dark.
For me, a former narcissist, it was too much, and I was in a hurry to leave these two, but suddenly I felt like to the song: "Someone else's hands caress me and hold me tightly ...". I was not at a loss and, turning my hands back, I felt the body that was raping me.It was large and belonged to Tanya. But Tanya no longer belonged to herself. I don’t know who poured her a drink, but he certainly didn’t cheat.
“You’re so cool,” the main customer muttered, hanging from me like a backpack, wrapping her arms around my neck from behind in a choke hold.
Sem grunt nervously, expressing with this sound her indignation or misunderstanding, which in her case is more likely. While I was trying to free myself from the passenger pawing at me, a cartoon miracle in the voice of a bailiff asked a question head-on:
- Is this your limousine?
- Yes, - I replied , imitating virgin modesty.
The cartoon diva looked at me intently, then something changed in her, and this time, in the voice of a devoted secretary, switching to "You" playfully asked:
- Do you have a lot of limousines Alexander?
I, as if not willingly, answered:
- Not a lot ... twenty-three, - I added, trying to get rid of "Tanyusha". In the meantime, I was on visual detection at a strange person who was insanely interested in me.
- And what is this director behind the wheel? I am a living fantasy of a make-up artist.
- A test order for a limousine, which I purchased three days ago, - I replied, and added: - I need to check how the karaoke works, is it possible to rent this limousine as the best limousine for a party, and indeed ... - I smiled.
The excited secretary took a couple of quick steps in my direction, tried hard to shake her friend off me, and back, returning the bailiff's voice, said:
- Leave at peace of a person, quickly!
Then, coming close to Tanya's face, quietly growled:
- You sho, b..g, don't you see sho I Do I communicate with Sasha?
Tanya calmly, as if having done her job, left my body, hiccupping loudly, gave out:
- Bazaar - zero, you must!
Despite the pretentious text, Tanya's pronunciation itself was kind, and her voice was warm and gentle. I even thought that if she had not been such a bun, I probably would have fallen in love with her as a spiritually feminine angel. And if you swap their bodies with number seven, the world would get an ideal woman and a stupid kolobok. But, alas, miracles have not yet been bought, I had time to think, when suddenly there was a loud whistle, and then a cry:
- Everyone here!
The girls rushed to the place where the call came from, I closed the limousine, followed them. Approaching the cliff, where my passengers were gathered, I saw excitement and even panic.
- God ..., Tanya! - the red-haired girl shouted in a hysterical voice, covering her face with her hands.
- God, - I whispered in my hearts when I saw Tanya, who, as if in a Hollywood action movie, was sliding down the famous cliff in Glory Park ... Sometimes she clung and stopped, but the very first attempt to climb ended with a reverse fall into irreversibility.
- B ... dg, - I thought, starting the rescue operation and looking at brand new boots, I saw how on the first meters of descent on the wet grassy soil my "Gabana" turned into dirty galoshes. In vain he climbed, it was necessary to bypass, Ved Tanya managed to slide down to the very bottom of the cliff, and this, it should be noted, is not less than a hundred meters. So much the better, I thought, because down there is a path of civilization that leads to the stairs, which we will use to climb back to the place where our limousine is. But everything turned out to be not so simple. I will not describe all the details and discuss the girls the way I would like. I'll just tell you in general terms what happened next.
Tanya, saving her honor, immediately after the cessation of rotational movements, frantically tried to get up. As soon as, with my help, she managed to fix herself on her legs-legs, strange sounds came from the top of the park descent.
? Take Champagne! ? Tanya moaned in a beautiful voice, holding my hand, while fixing her smiling gaze up the slope.
? Damn you,? I thought when I saw a drunken rescue squad, noisily rolling down the hill.
Only Turbo did not rotate. She, as if on skis, slid down the muddy slope, sometimes breaking into a run and insanely fast fingering with ridiculous pedals, still managed not to fall. But the rest rolled professionally, as if they were trying to pretend to be the giant cocoa I was already getting ready to catch. At the moment when everyone was at the finish line, Turbo, being on the slope, indignantly suddenly said:
? Blah, girls, champagne!
And scraped up!
? Can you imagine? But not me! I still can't imagine! How is this physically possible? Only one thing was clear, that Galya-Turbo was not a man, but a machine, and not a simple one, but with four-wheel drive, with all possible differential locks ... Contrary to all the laws of physics, on an inclined plane, where other rollers could not even stop sliding for a second, our Turbo made an ascent, and even at speed that surpassed the speed of falling of her friends. To eliminate the risk of its repeated descent I hastened to take everyone around, to the staircase. My burden was heavy !!! I mean Tanya, who, in addition to free ears and a horse stubbornly pulling her up, saw a cat in me (this is how she began to call me). And on the last step, whispering "Thank you, darling," I tried to kill with a kiss aspirated. But I probably survived in order to see the next, which I hasten to tell you further.
I hardly had time to tear myself away from the embrace of the sultry Tanya's body, which had already begun to twitch, as before the miracle I mentioned, with a flurry of insults, like the legendary Chupacabra, attacked my seductress and tried to punch her friend on a grand scale.
? Oh, you su ... and fat ass! A fight ensued, which I immediately stopped, at the last moment, having managed to get a random slap in the face not intended for me from Tanya. The feed was tangible, because our hamster was in a very promising weight category. All enmity vanished. And the girls began to feel sorry for the poor driver, so much so that they almost satisfied me as a man.
While they were kissing me at the place where they thought I had a bo-bo, it was nice, but when the "miracle" got into me into trousers ... indignation was already overwhelmed ... A second later, delicately slipping away from the embrace of drunk women, he immediately noticed that strangers were watching us. It felt kind of awkward.
I wanted to hide in the limo. But then I had to be stunned again after what I saw.
From the abyss, near the stairs, puffing and quacking, Turbo crawled out. She looked like a wild boar after an accident. Our athlete, covered in dirt and thorns, was holding TWO bottles of champagne in her hands.
Imagine, while everyone was climbing the stairs, fighting and hugging, Galyunya overcame climb, opened the limousine, loaded champagne, made the return descent to the foot of the mountain, and, not finding anyone there, again turned to the ascent, this time with champagne, overcoming forces gravity. Now she finished just five meters from the stairs.
© Copyright 2006–2026. All Rights Reserved.
